(with love and regards to the late Bill Hicks)
Kevin walked deep into the woods with the baggie of mushrooms his friends had given him in hopes of experiencing a spiritual awakening like so many others had. He’d heard the stories and he wanted in on the fun.
He picked a good spot where he felt he could be one with nature, sat down, and commenced to what he believed would be a profound spiritual experience.
Kevin shut his eyes and let the effect take hold. When he opened his eyes, the woods around him had vanished and from the sky came a huge, indescribable object. Seven beams of light emanated from what must have been the center of the craft, and a calming voice began to speak from within Kevin’s head.
“Do not be afraid,” the voice said, “there is nothing to fear. There is never anything to fear. All matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration. And we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There is no such thing as death. What we think of as life is merely a dream. And we are but the imaginations of ourselves.”
Kevin’s eyes grew wide, and he was filled with a feeling of joy, knowing he was hearing an incredibly advanced being who knew the secrets of existence.
The voice in his head continued:
“We are all God, and we are all children of God. And God’s love is unconditional. There is never any reason to be afraid or to worry. Ever."
Tears ran from Kevin’s face.
“Is this all true, O great one?” Kevin asked, “Am I simply a vibration in the collective consciousness of God?"
The craft shifted in the air.
The voice in Kevin’s head said, “Nah, just fucking with you.”
A hole appeared on the huge craft. A mass of tentacles launched out, grabbed Kevin, and pulled him inside. The hole sealed up, and the object vanished into the sky.
A group of friends was sitting around in a forest clearing, discussing the different experiences they’d had on psychedelic drugs.
“I looked into the loving eye of God and saw my true self reflected,” said one.
“I danced on beams of pure energy with Buddha and Jesus.”
“The earth opened up and I felt Mother Nature at the core, Her eternal love emanating within and without everyone and everything on the planet,” said another.
“I was kidnapped by extra-dimensional beings and impregnated with the spawn of Cthulhu,” said Kevin.
Copyright: © 2010 Josh Myers
Josh Myers has spent the past three years selling hot sauce in New Hope, Pa. He lives in Lambertville, NJ where he spends his time alternately reading whatever he can and griping about the state of things.