What’s that ya say, Mr. Case? Ya wanna know how I lost my left eye? Well, plop ya ass in that seat and I’ll tell ya!
It seemed like it was just yesterday, Mr. Case, I remember it well. It happened four, maybe five years ago. No. Wait. It was eight years ago. I remember it now because that’s the year I lost my Jezebel.
Oh, don’t be sorry, Mr. Case. Jezebel was just my ol’ smell hound. And the bitch would still be alive today if she’d listened to me. I told her not to get into my neighbor’s stash of weed. That he’d do sumthing ‘bout it and he did. But that’s another story for another day, Mr. Case. You wanted to know what happened to my left eye.
I was staggering through the meadow over there, Mr. Case, when I heard a sharp whistling noise. The kinda noise that a jet makes when it’s cutting through the sky. I looked up quickly and seen a silver, circular object that looked like a saucer plate.
That’s right, Mr. Case. A UFO. A U fucking F O! I couldn’t believe it. I damn near dropped my bottle of Turkey. Wild Turkey whiskey that is, Mr. Case. I want ya to be clear on that. I don’t want your readers thinking I was out there that day with a bottle shoved up a Turkey’s ass! Hell, they’d think I was one crazy son-of-a-smell-hound.
Anyfuckingway, this damn UFO landed right in front of me, crushing all of my apple trees and tearing the shit out of my field. It seemed like forever, Mr. Case, but the thing finally opened up and out walked these two gray figures. Ugliest mothers, I’d ever seen! They approached me slowly and my asshole tightened!
Don’t laugh, Mr. Case, I never understood why aliens traveled zillions of miles just to stick sumthing up our asses! But that’s not what they wanted anyfuckingway. One of ‘em introduced himself as CJ452. Bastard even shook my hand, and I’ll tell ya this, Mr. Case: it was like shaking hands with spaghetti. I offered him a drink and he took a little swig, but I don’t think he cared for it. Then CJ452 told me that he, and his cohort, were from the planet Orjay and was in search of human eyeballs … brown human eyeballs. CJ452 said that they were a delicacy on their home planet. Kinda like fish eggs here on Earth.
Caviar! Yea, that’s what they’re called, Mr. Case. Ever eat any? Eh, me neither.
Anyfuckingway, old CJ452, and his silent friend, leered at me, and I almost pissed myself. I stood there frozen as CJ452’s finger twisted like a corkscrew and then that… that… that damn, fucking alien jammed it in my left eye and yanked it out. It didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would, Mr. Case. It hurt more than I could’ve ever imagined!
What’s that ya say, Mr. Case? My right eye is blue. Yea, I know that, been looking at it in the mirror for sum seventy-five years now. Oh, you don’t believe my story, do you? But what if I told ya I had that disease that makes one eye a different color from the other. Heterochromia, I think it’s called. Oh, ya still have doubts, Mr. Case. Well, why don’t ya turn those brown eyes of yours around? Because CJ452 and his silent friend are right behind ya and they look like they’re hungry.
"Damn, Fucking Aliens"
Copyright: © 2010 Chad Case
Chad Case lives in Lawrenceburg, Kentucky, with his wife, Melissa. He enjoys writing short horror fiction in his spare time. To date his works has been published, or are forthcoming, on MicroHorror.com, The New Flesh Blogzine, Flashes In The Dark, Flashshot, and in the anthologies: Toe Tags, Long Live The New Flesh: Year One and Daily Flash 2011 and Daily Bites of Flesh: 365 Days of Flash Fiction. You can also find out more about him at http://spookyfiction.wikia.com/wiki/Chad_Case