A few days ago, THE NEW FLESH sat down with bizarro writer Steve Lowe to discuss body switching, why vanilla is better than chocolate, and how he likes his bacon. This is what we found out...

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TNF: Steve Lowe, who the hell do you think you are?

SL: Well, in the German language, the word “löwe” means lion. So, I am a predator of the Serengeti, as evidenced by my golden, flowing mane and the rotting meat stench of my breath. Of course, that’s not how others see me. They’ll probably just tell you I’m an asshole.

TNF: On your blog, you have something called THE 2-MINUTE DRILL. What is that and which has been the most memorable for you?

SL: The 2-Minute Drill is an erratic interview series where I refer to myself as “we” and ask authors and artists really, really stupid questions. It’s basically like a roast, where the interviewer and interviewee get to take shots at each other, all in the name of thinly-veiled self promotion. The most memorable Drill so far would have to be with artist Jack Rogers. No matter how nonsensical my questions were, he found a way to give answers that were even more nonsensical and incoherent. It’s like reading the personal journals of John Doe from the movie “Se7en”, only more uncomfortable.

TNF: Draw a picture of the coolest weapon not yet invented and explain its functions.

SL: It’s supposed to be a mind control device that turns my enemies into pigs, which I then butcher and cook into bacon. Unfortunately, my MS Paint frying bacon looks more like colorful, steaming turds, which I guess works as well, so I’m running with it. I should have a prototype ready to go by 2078.

TNF: You have a new book coming out from Eraserhead Press later this year called MUSCLE MEMORY. I love the summary you have of it up on your blog. Describe it for our readers in exactly 47 words.

SL: MUSCLE MEMORY is what I wished all those body switching movies from the 1980s would have been. A bunch of dopey people wake up one morning in each others’ bodies and they spend the day trying to figure out what happened and why, and there’s murder and

TNF: Write a convincing argument for why vanilla is a way better flavor for ice cream than chocolate, even if you disagree.

SL: Vanilla was the original. Chocolate is just vanilla trying to be different. Vanilla doesn’t need to throw on a snazzy overcoat and slick up its hair with product and throw on a bunch of flashy jewelry. Chocolate is all, “Look at me, I’m Vanilla with a tan, I’m such a badass, all the kids like me better!” And Vanilla is all, “Shut the fuck up, you’re embarrassing yourself. Act like you have a shred of self respect, you silly asshole.” Vanilla’s been through the wars, man. Vanilla was there from day one. Before Baskin Robbins had 31 Flavors, he had one flavor, and it was fuckin’ Vanilla, man. When Vanilla goes to the bathroom, you know what comes out? That’s right - Chocolate. And if you even mention Strawberry, Vanilla’s gonna take a flamethrower to this place! Case closed.

TNF: What is your advice for the class of 2078?

SL: I’ll be 103 years old by then, so I would have to tell them, “Get the hell off your lazy asses and get to work. Who do you think funds my Social Security check, anyway? And stay the hell off my lawn, or your ass is bacon!”

TNF: Where can we get more Steve Lowe?

SL: Since my books are not yet available to purchase, please patronize this fine establishment: http://www.baskinrobbins.com/icecream/

Or, you can kill some brain cells here: http://stevenelowe.wordpress.com/

And you can go read some of my fiction here: http://darkrecesses.net/?p=1601 and also here: http://bloodybridge.blogspot.com/2010/05/playcations-for-free-by-steve-lowe.html

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  1. hahahahahahahahaha... Lowe is warped all the way...

  2. You da man, Steve!

    Mark Wolf

  3. umm err... did ya ever notice "Lowe" in french means pleasuring ones lower body parts? lol loved the interview steve and its nice to see foots on other shoe k?