The New Flesh

Zombie Love for Morons, edited by Paul Williams Jr and Barney Bryant, Decade Publishing, 158 pages, $39.95.

reviewed by Sean Monaghan

Lately the "... for Morons" series has been tackling bigger issues and this has quite rightly led to a lot of criticism about their increasing level of complexity. The whole concept of the series is to take a difficult subject and make it clear and easy for even the most challenged. Recent additions have strayed from that formula - Daylight Vampiring for Morons stands out as one that really just proved too challenging (and deadly) for many of the readers.

Fortunately this newest book is a return to the roots of the series. Basic, simple, straightforward. The editors have selected comments and articles from numerous informed sources and then thoroughly dumbed them down so that anyone - zombies included - will understand the concepts. The volume is filled with illustrations and diagrams, step-by-step exercises, sidebars and pull-out charts (my favorite is the cheat card to take on a zombie date). Never have things been easier in the arena of zombie love.

The book begins with a clear introduction, which will reassure many zombies stuck for choice and feeling dejected by their plight (and truly, we all know that being a zombie is not a cheerful time anyway, let alone if you're single and searching). Encouraging facts abound. Did you know that at any one time between 80 and 90% of zombies are not in a relationship - "You are not alone!" the book proclaims, perhaps missing the possible double-meaning of the statement. Clearly, though, out there someone is available and this book is the way to find them.

The chapters progress logically, building from how to approach another zombie you're attracted to, right to the chapters on deeper longer-term relationships. Just like the living, zombies in long-term relationships do need to do work on maintaining their love. A two page set of bullet points on how to keep the pep present when you've been involved with a rotting corpse for more than a year is followed by similar spreads for five years, ten years and right on to the granite anniversary. Really it takes intentional action, rather than just cruising, and these pointers will tickle and inspire you.

Feeling stale? Try out the matrix array of combination ideas for livening up your crumbling relationship, such as (1) go to a "based on the book by Nicholas Sparks" movie, then (2) a moonlight walk near water, (3) finish up with home-cooked brains, then (4) off to bed.

My favorite chapter is number eighteen, specifically for lonely hearts who have tried again and again to establish a relationship without success. Remember the person you meet doesn't have to be a zombie already. If you find someone you think you might be attracted to, but they're still amongst the living, a couple of quick bites in the right spot and you might just have a new lover.

The book breaks everything down into a step-by-step process. The contents page is clear, the index abundant, and the price is just right. Recommended - ask your local bookstore now. Four and a half stars.

 

 

"Zombie Love for Morons"

Copyright: © 2010 Sean Monghan

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Sean Monaghan's book reviews have appeared in various publications.  His stories have been published before in The New Flesh, as well as MicroHorror and Flashes in the Dark, amongst others.  More information at his website, www.venusvulture.com