My phantom soul itches at the sight of something vaguely human shambling in the distance. Upon closer inspection I see that whatever it is… it's male. His missing arm, ripped recently from his muscular shoulder, is more than made up for by his hairy, dangling, third leg.

"And testicles the size of grapefruits."

I realize that I am talking out loud, and masturbating my own miniscule member.

"Fuck it, something to rape is something to rape."

I shift my weight atop my perch of piled human heads as I discard my notions of female companionship for the moment, jumping down to ground level and landing cleanly on my filthy feet, displacing the fine layer of bone dust that covers the entire rocky surface of New Hell (giving it the false look of snow).

He spots me and thinks to run, but I have a blade buried in his heart before his brain can even process the thought. I stand above his pleasantly twisting corpse and look down into his fading eyes. I watch intently as his soul leaves his oddly proportioned body and passes onto the final plane of existence… but before it does… he looks up at me and (probably unaware of what I intend to do with his remains) says the strangest (or perhaps, upon further reflection, not so strange at all) thing.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." I reply.

"An Unintentional Act of Kindness"

Copyright: © 2011 Ash Lomen


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